Tomb-Sweeping Festival

Ticket from Wuxi to Xuzhou.  Note the station names.  There are multiple stations in both cities, the East Station ("Dong" in Chinese) in each city is the only one to use for high-speed train travel on this route.

Picture of my gate, with the train number and time

Inactive gate at Wuxi East Train Station

"King-Size" bed in my hotel toom, made by combining two twin beds

"No Smoking" sign in my room, despite the blurry shot.  Good sign, right?

Not so much.  An ashtray with matches, along with the fruit platter.  Perhaps an ashtray alone could merely be provided for convenient extinguishing, but matches?  Clearly the non-smoking sign is not intended to be taken seriously.  This is China, after all.

The shower has a crackle-glass window to the bedroom, with a blind.  But really, why would you ever want to pull the bind up?  (Unless you're a blogger like me.)

Replica of traditional cart in the lobby.

Small statue of a famous general from Xuzhou history

My return ticket.  It was surprisingly easy to get.  Again, note the station names.

On the way home, I saw a drum performance in front of the community center.

Close-up of drum performance.

Not everyone has the holiday off.  At my school, workers wer busy converting some of the grassy area to parking spaces.

April 4 is Tomb-Sweeping Festival in China.  This is a day set aside for Chinese people to honor their ancestors by tending to their graves, and performing pagan rituals such as burning ghost money and setting off fireworks to scare away evil spirits.  Others will simply use the time off work to gather with family.

This festival is always celebrated on the fourth day of the fourth month.  (Not lunar calendar, though most traditional festival dates are set by the lunar calendar.)  In order to give us three days off together, the Government recommends (or requires) employers to move the work days following to the nearest weekend; or, to put it the other way around, steal days off from the weekend to append to the festival, at the cost of working on the weekend and working more days straight.

So, I have the 4th, 5th, and 6th, off (Thursday-Friday-Saturday), but I have to work Sunday through Friday following.  After Sophie had seemingly cancelled our meeting in Xuzhou, I went to the east train station to get a refund on my train ticket, and thought I'd relax by getting a massage.

Just before the massage, I got a phone call from her.  It seems her text message had referred to something else, and she was still prepared to meet.  Well, I agreed to try.  After the massage (nice, but I may try another place in the future), I went home, packed quickly, and set my alarm early.

After an early breakfast and a private car trip to the central station, I found that tickets for Xuzhou could only be had at the east train station.  (This, I'm sure, is due to the way the tracks are laid out.  My prevous ticket had been purchased some days before, through an agent's office nearby, which could not provide refunds.)  At any rate, I had to take a long taxi ride to the east station, and there purchase another ticket.  Fortunately, it was for the same train, so I would arrive in Xuzhou with no wasted time.  Unfortunately, I had already wasted over 100 RMB in car fares and return fees.

After getting to Xuzhou East Station (where all the north-south high-speed trains pass through), I took a taxi to the central train station, near the long-distance bus station where Sophie would arrive.  (Her actual hometown is outside of Xuzhou, about an hour by bus.)  I waited for her in KFC.

After she arrived, she helped me check in to a hotel.  (The first one we went to couldn't help me.  It seemed good enough, but they were not licensed to take foreigners.)  The room had a "King-size" bed (actually two doubles put together with large sheets), a no-smoking sign, and a fruit platter.  It also had an ashtray, with matches.  (Think they're serious about the no-smoking sign?)

However, the strangest feature was a window between the bedroom and the shower.  It had a blind which could be lowered and raised from the bedroom.  I had no idea why anyone would want to raise it except to take a picture, but it was there.

After depositing my luggage, Sophie insisted that we must meet her brother and sister-in-law, and eat together with them.  So, we took a taxi to the brother's university, they picked us up, and took us on a car ride (made quite long by the holiday traffic) to Pizza Hut.  Her brother could not find a permanent parking spot, so he let his wife take us to Pizza Hut.  The pizza was tasty, but too cheesy.  (Two fatty meals in a row.  I paid for it later.)

At the meal, we were talking somewhat at cross-purposes.  Sophie wanted me to do what I had to do to make her mother happy.  (This would involve figuring out how to buy an apartment, and promising to stay in China.)  I tried to explain that her mother had threatened me in an attempt to control me, and that such threats come from unsafe people, and an unsafe person like Sophie's mother was not someone I wanted to maintain a relationship with.  It was really hard to explain.

Finally, they took us back to my hotel, where I had some things of Sophie's that I wanted to give her.  They let me take her to my room so we could have some privacy.  There, I had to explain very firmly, that this relationship would not work, and I had to say goodbye.  She did not take it very well, but, in the end, she had to accept it.  I took her back to her brother's car, and said goodbye.

After that, I didn't feel like going anywhere, so I stayed in the room until it was time for shower and bed.  (I did find the CCTV English News channel on TV.)  In the morning, I ate the fruit provided as a first breakfast, then finished dressing and went downstairs for second breakfast.  (It was mostly Chinese breakfast food, but I did find enough healthy food to make a decent meal.)  After checking out, I took a few pictures of the lobby and left.

A taxi ride to Xuzhou East Station, a wait in line at the ticket counter, a train ticket to Wuxi, another taxi ride to Shin City Plaza, lunch, some food shopping, and I was on my way home.  On the way, I saw a drum performance/practice/ritual outside the nearby community center, across from the high school, so I took a few pictures.

As I passed by my school, I found that not everyone was relaxing during the holiday.  The school was using the time to have additional parking spaces installed.  This was probably wise, as car use has greatly increased in Wuxi since the school was built.  But it may have been a bummer for the workers who had to work over the holiday.  But, they may be paid double or even triple for such work, and I'm sure they need the money.

At any rate, that was my short trip to Xuzhou.  Total of about six hours round trip, less than 24 hours in Xuzhou.  But, it was not a pleasure trip.  It was an important (and in my view, necessary) closure to a serious relationship.  I'm afraid Sophie is still holding out hope for us, but as far as I'm concerned, I've said goodbye.  I hope that, in time, she can learn to accept that.

Prayer Requests

Firstly, praise God  for allowing me to meet with Sophie, and protecting me on the way.  My limited language skills were adequate to the task of getting where I had to go.  Everyone stayed safe, my biggest problem was a minor issue related poor dietary choices, two meals in a row.  But that only caused me minor discomfort and inconvenience.

Next, please pray for Sophie, that she would accept this decision, and, in time, come to understand it, and forgive me for any hurt I may have caused her.  If you feel led, please pray for Sophie's mother, that she would learn to love her daughter more, and help her find a suitable mate according to Chinese custom.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for praying.

"are you Pang xinying's bf?"

That was the content of the text message that I received at 14:57 local time, from an unknown sender that my phone identified as a Xuzhou number.  A voice call followed three minutes later.

Since my toddlers were eating their afternoon snack, and I would be teaching my lesson soon (and we're not supposed to call or text during class time anyway), I rejected the call and texted back "Yes, but I'm busy now." when I could find a spare moment between helping kids.  Another text followed at 15:12, which I ignored until after school.  After all the kids had been picked up, and I was finished for the day, I checked my messages, and read this:

"I'm her mother. please don 't connect her any more. our family don't want you to be her bf. her father has been in hispital because of you. You can't give her comfortable life. what

I said to you, please don't tell her. please leave her now, send her things back home. No 8 middle school, XinYi, JiangSu." 
(All spelling and punctuation errors have been reproduced verbatim.)

Now, I've met her mother, I was very polite, I even brought a gift according to Chinese culture.  At that time, her mother wasn't very gracious, basically ignoring me and letting her other daughter's boyfriend do the talking.  Of course, her mother's English skills are not adequate to conversing with a foreigner like me, or even composing this SMS, so she had to have help.

Personally, I feel that I have no obligation to honor this woman's request.  I have, however, been experiencing some serious problems with this relationship, and this text message confirms to me that we will probably not be able to work things out. At the same time, I don't like the way she asked.  I don't like being blamed for the father's health problems, which are probably due to his former smoking habit and his current sweet tooth developed as an alternative.  I don't like being asked to cut off contact without a proper goodbye, and I especially don't like being asked to keep something like this from Sophie.

But I've learned, through my own experience and that of others, that a foreign man who tries to maintain a romantic relationship with a Chinese girl against her parents' wishes is asking for trouble, disappointment, and heartache.  A former colleague, in a 5-year-long relationship with a Chinese girl, was rumored to have received a text message from his girlfriend while she was visiting her family:  "I can't see you anymore."  That was it.

So, I think it would be unwise to try to continue the relationship, for that and other reasons.  However, I am going to be honest with her, and even offer her a personal goodbye if that's what she wants.  I think it's the only honorable thing to do.

Prayer Requests

First, praise God for giving me clarity about this issue.  I was feeling like it was time to let Sophie go, that it would probably be best for both of us, but I wasn't sure how to do so without causing undue pain.  But I can't keep seeing her if her mother doesn't want me to.  Sophie will understand that, and any other issues will be between her and her mother.

Of course, please pray for Sophie and I as I break the news to her.  She won't be happy about this, and it won't be easy for her, either.  (She won't be able to read this blog, so she won't learn about it here.)  I hope she can understand, and decide how best to deal with her mother's decision.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for praying.

Easter Open Day

As you can see, I've been very busy this past week.  Being an international preschool/kindergarten, our school celebrates both western and Chinese holidays both traditional and modern.  (Although, being in China, our actual days off are set by the Chinese government.)  We also usually have one open day each month, where parents or grandparents (usually only one per child) can join their children for a half-day of activities.  (Different classes will have their open day on different days during a single week, so the school isn't overwhelmed with parents.)

My toddlers and their parents had their open day on Tuesday the 19th.  After the kids' "morning tea" (a light, nutritious meal, usually with soy milk), I took them out for their structured outdoor exercise.  There are different sets of equipment for us to use, assigned in a weekly schedule.  It was my job to take the assigned equipment (shown above) and help the kids use it in a fun and active way.  With parents' help, I could let the kids try more challenging tasks.

After the outdoor play, we have our musical exercise (not shown), where we lead the kids in a few different dances, using music with lyrics in English, Chinese, and sometimes other languages (like Korean or Japanese).  Songs change every semester, and we just changed to the new songs (after teaching the dances to the kids).

After outdoor exercise time, it was back to the classroom for a required potty break.  (We do have toilet reminders at frequent intervals in my class.)  After toileting, washing hands, and drinking water, it's lesson time, about 10:00.  This class we had an Easter-themed craft where the parents could help.  (This made it more fun for the parents, allowed them to interact with their children, and allowed me to use more challenging techniques, like cutting with scissors, because I had a helper for almost every child.)

The lesson normally ends around 10:20 to 10:30, followed by outdoor free play in the toddler playground (or indoor free play if the weather is foul). (Again, I have them use the toilet, wash hands, and drink water before this free play.)  This day, however, we had an Easter-egg hunt on the school grounds.  The eggs used were small chocolate eggs, foil-covered, one egg per child.  (This was partly due to budgetary constraints.)  Some kids were quite good at finding eggs, and the one-per-child rule had to be enforced.  Others, especially the younger ones, needed help.  The chocolate did make a bit of a mess, whether the kids ate them immediately or were constrained to save them until after lunch.

Lunch was at 11:00.  My kids can pretty much feed themselves, but they're not all proficient or tidy.  Most of them (it should be all) wear bibs provided by the parents, and most of them are quite pokey eaters, many still learning to use spoons to eat the food that they are served.  When they don't like what the kitchen serves, some of them really have to be chided into eating.  Fortunately, I'm not primarily responsible for that.  I have an assistant (Penny, who took these pictures) and a nanny (called "A-yi" in Chinese) to help.  My assistant speaks some English, my A-yi speaks only Standard Chinese and the local Wuxi dialect, but we communicate well enough.  (My spoken Chinese is improving.)  My ayi takes the lead in getting the kids to eat, and spoon-feeding those who really lag behind.  (I'm not sure this is best for the kids, but it's part of the service that the school is paid to provide.)  Of course, with parents mostly helping their kids, I only had to pay attention to the one or two kids whose parents were too busy to attend.

After lunch, some parents took their kids home, but others left them, which provoked some tears from the more sensitive kids.  This was par for the course, and we took it in stride.  Taking them outside and letting them play after lunch (before their regular noon--2:30 nap) helped deal with the normal separation anxiety.  I also gave some extra attention where it was most needed.

So, that was Easter Open Day.  Photo credits to Penny, my Chinese teaching assistant this semester.  This also gives you an idea of what my normal morning is like, minus the parents, of course.  Next week I'll be with the older kids (about 6 y.o.) in the morning, assisting only, and teaching the toddlers in the afternoon.  It alternates on a weekly basis.  Mornings are better for lessons, so we try to make sure that each class gets an equal share of English lessons in mornings vs. afternoons.

Prayer Requests

First, praise God for a successful Open Day!  I haven't gotten all the feedback yet, but the one I did happen to see in English was quite positive, and overall the parents seemed pleased.  The kids had fun, too, as you can see.

Next, please pray for Sophie and my relationship with her.  She's spending most of her time in Xuzhou now, which is about 3 hours north by high-speed train.  She has some health issues, and her family thought it would be best if she quit her job in Wuxi, stayed with her parents in Xuzhou, and visited the hospital in Nanjing with her mother and sister.  It seems to be working out well for her, but it makes it hard to work on our relationship.  It seems that, when Sophie's health situation is under control, her parents want to get her a job in Xuzhou.  I, however, like my job here in Wuxi (as you can see), and I want to stay here.  I don't like the prospect of a long-distance relationship under these conditions.

In addition, the prospect of marriage with Sophie seems difficult for other reasons as well; financial, cultural, and geographic.  But she seems to still be set on continuing our relationship and working toward marriage.  I'm not sure what to do.  Please pray for wisdom for me as I seek God's will.

I hope everyone enjoyed the pictures.  Thanks for reading, and thanks for praying!

Chinese Arbor Day

March 12 is "Tree Planting Day" in China, or you might call it Chinese Arbor Day.  Pictured above are students from two different classes, all of whom are or have been my students.  (Aren't they precious?)  The older students are actually planting saplings (with help) on the school grounds.  The younger students are watering slightly older trees.  All of them will get a sapling to take home, for their parents to help them plant "somewhere in their community".

I seem to remember doing some kind of planting activity when I was in preschool, but I don't remember the details, or if it was actually on (American) Arbor Day.  Did you do anything to celebrate Arbor Day when you were this age?

Remember, in the U.S.A., National Arbor Day is on the last Friday in April, although in some states it may be observed on a different date according to the best planting schedule, which varies by region.

Happy planting!

Nanjing

Last Saturday, March 9, I went to Nanjing to meet Sophie's family; or, to be more precise, her mother, sister, and future brother-in-law.  Nanjing is the capitol of Jiangsu province.  It takes about 1 hour to get there from Wuxi via high-speed train.  Sophie's sister works as a nurse at a children's hospital in Nanjing, and her sister's fiancé has a PhD in computer science and teaches at a major university there.  Her mother was visiting from Xuzhou, which is much farther north.  Her future brother-in-law also speaks English quite well, so he acted as the family's agent when communicating with me.  I didn't take any pictures of her family.

Over lunch at a restaurant which served passable Mexican-style food, her family had a serious discussion with me about my suitability as a potential match for Sophie, and also about how to take care of Sophie's immediate health needs, which presented some problems.  We eventually came to an understanding, and exchanged contact information.

After lunch, we went out to a nice park by and around a lake.  To get there, after getting off the subway, we had to walk through the old city wall, which has three gates at this location.  To understand this, it helps to understand that the "Nan" in Nanjing means "South", the "Bei" in "Beijing" means "North", and the second character of both names is the same.  From this, it should come as no surprise that Nanjing was once the capitol of ancient China, during (I believe) the Ming dynasty.  So, this wall of the old city is historically very significant.

In the park, Sophie and I were invited to go off on our own for a while.  We went to find a place in the shade where we could sit down, because Sophie was tired and wanted to rest.  While Sophie rested, I took some pictures of what I saw. 

I saw many pleasure boats (available for rent). 

I saw a wedding-photo shoot.

I saw a motorboat being used to tow a pleasure boat (presumably back to the pier).

After a while, Sophie's sister called her, and we had to go back.  This is what Nanjing looked like from across the lake on our way back to the gate and the subway station.

I had expected to take Sophie back with me to Wuxi that day.  However, Sophie was urged to stay for one more day, and agreed to do so.  She accompanied me to the train station, where I purchased a ticket, and then we had dinner (although she didn't eat much, which is normal for her).

After dinner, I saw an interesting statue at the station, so we took some pictures there.  Sophie couldn't tell me what it was, but it looked to me like a Chinese version of a sphinx.

Prayer Requests

On Sunday, the day after my Nanjing trip, I expected Sophie to return to Wuxi, as we had agreed.  However, her family had eventually prevailed upon her (contrary to our previous agreement) to return to Xuzhou with her mother.  She says she'll come back to Wuxi when her body is healthy. I don't know when that will be.  Also, I don't know if our relationship has a real future.  So, please pray for wisdom for Sophie and I, that we would do what is best for both of us, and also honor God with our decisions.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for praying!

Two Pretty Things

Here is a picture of two pretty things.  Meet my girlfriend, Sophie, wearing the scarf I made for her.  Details are in this entry.  Yes, I did get the scarf finished in time for Valentine's Day.  No, she was not there to receive it; it had to wait for Lantern Festival.  I had a hard time finding a good time to take a picture of her wearing it, and finally had to settle for a mediocre shot.

Don't get me wrong, I think the scarf looks great.  But Sophie, in this picture, is not looking her best.  In real life, on a good day, she looks much better than she does in this picture.  Probably something about a flash-lit shot in the evening, just as dusk was falling.  (Also, when she's not wearing a coat, one can better appreciate her excellent figure.)  But, the weather is now getting too warm to wear a cabled alpaca scarf, and she insisted I put this one up.  I'll try to get a better picture of Sophie in a more flattering light.

Prayer Requests

I'm scheduled to lead worship at church on Sunday.  Four songs, English and Chinese.  (No, I can't read Chinese writing, only a handful of characters.  But I can read the pinyin phonetic versions of the songs well enough to sing them, if I have the lyrics in front of me.)  Please pray that I would be able choose good songs, and also sing on-key.

Also, Sophie is meeting her mother in Nanjing this weekend, and wants me to come.  (She'll go on Friday, I'll meet them on Saturday.)  Please pray for that meeting, and our relationship in general.  Our communication still needs improvement, among other things.

That's all for now.  I've got to finish choosing the songs for Sunday, in time to prepare the song sheets for practice tomorrow evening.  Thanks for reading, and thanks for praying!

Snow Dome

This is what my school looked like this morning, from the third floor balcony, looking over the entrance toward the street.  The snow is still falling, and it seems to be getting heavier.

Stay warm.