"are you Pang xinying's bf?"

That was the content of the text message that I received at 14:57 local time, from an unknown sender that my phone identified as a Xuzhou number.  A voice call followed three minutes later.

Since my toddlers were eating their afternoon snack, and I would be teaching my lesson soon (and we're not supposed to call or text during class time anyway), I rejected the call and texted back "Yes, but I'm busy now." when I could find a spare moment between helping kids.  Another text followed at 15:12, which I ignored until after school.  After all the kids had been picked up, and I was finished for the day, I checked my messages, and read this:

"I'm her mother. please don 't connect her any more. our family don't want you to be her bf. her father has been in hispital because of you. You can't give her comfortable life. what

I said to you, please don't tell her. please leave her now, send her things back home. No 8 middle school, XinYi, JiangSu." 
(All spelling and punctuation errors have been reproduced verbatim.)

Now, I've met her mother, I was very polite, I even brought a gift according to Chinese culture.  At that time, her mother wasn't very gracious, basically ignoring me and letting her other daughter's boyfriend do the talking.  Of course, her mother's English skills are not adequate to conversing with a foreigner like me, or even composing this SMS, so she had to have help.

Personally, I feel that I have no obligation to honor this woman's request.  I have, however, been experiencing some serious problems with this relationship, and this text message confirms to me that we will probably not be able to work things out. At the same time, I don't like the way she asked.  I don't like being blamed for the father's health problems, which are probably due to his former smoking habit and his current sweet tooth developed as an alternative.  I don't like being asked to cut off contact without a proper goodbye, and I especially don't like being asked to keep something like this from Sophie.

But I've learned, through my own experience and that of others, that a foreign man who tries to maintain a romantic relationship with a Chinese girl against her parents' wishes is asking for trouble, disappointment, and heartache.  A former colleague, in a 5-year-long relationship with a Chinese girl, was rumored to have received a text message from his girlfriend while she was visiting her family:  "I can't see you anymore."  That was it.

So, I think it would be unwise to try to continue the relationship, for that and other reasons.  However, I am going to be honest with her, and even offer her a personal goodbye if that's what she wants.  I think it's the only honorable thing to do.

Prayer Requests

First, praise God for giving me clarity about this issue.  I was feeling like it was time to let Sophie go, that it would probably be best for both of us, but I wasn't sure how to do so without causing undue pain.  But I can't keep seeing her if her mother doesn't want me to.  Sophie will understand that, and any other issues will be between her and her mother.

Of course, please pray for Sophie and I as I break the news to her.  She won't be happy about this, and it won't be easy for her, either.  (She won't be able to read this blog, so she won't learn about it here.)  I hope she can understand, and decide how best to deal with her mother's decision.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for praying.