Randomly on the Sunday After Christmas

1.  In the previous post, I neglected to give my father due credit for his contribution to my Christmas presents.  I would like to clarify that, with the exception of the scarf, all of the gifts were from my father as well.  This includes the Kindle Paperwhite (with cover), Christmas songs on USB flash drive, the miniature nativity scene, and the previously unmentioned chocolate-covered peanut brittle.  I'm sure he would have liked to help with the scarf, too, but he can't knit.  Thanks, Dad!

2.  The day after Christmas, while on my way to work, I got two text messages in Chinese, from my date the day before.  The first said that she wore the hat I had made, and it was very good-looking.  The second said that her mother praised the hat.  I'm not sure exactly how to interpret this, but it seems good.  I didn't have the time to compose a reply in Chinese, so I expressed my pleasure and willingness to make more in English, which I'm sure she understands.

3.  Though I'm not sure how our relationship stands, when I asked about her work schedule on Saturday, she replied immediately, and when I proposed a dinner date for her next free day, she agreed at once.  I asked what food she liked, she said steak, and I said I knew where to go.  I do have a reservation, but I refused to tell her where, claiming secrecy.

4.  All of this (except for making the reservation at the restaurant) occurred in Chinese, by text message.

5.  I hope the date goes as well as the lead-up.

6.  I now have my passport back from the police station, with another one-year residence permit.  Note:  Such a transaction requires the receipt, which I neglected to take on Saturday, requiring another trip on Sunday.  Since I was downtown for church on Sunday, this wasn't a big problem, but it did waste some time I could have put to better use.

7.  Today at church we sang "In Christ Alone", half in English, half in Chinese.  I love that song.  I'm going to post the translation as soon as I have time to get it transcribed.

Blessings,

Sean

Christmas and the Chinese Church

Greetings to all!  I have decided, in lieu of the traditional Christmas card/letter, to write a blog post about my latest year's adventures in China, and about how Christmas is celebrated here.

Last year, at about this time, I had just started working at Wuxi International Child Care, a privately owned preschool/kindergarten in Wuxi New District.  This turned out to be a providential job change for several reasons.  As it turns out, I can actually teach English to a class of about 16 pre-primary students, mostly from Chinese families.  The school has been mainly pleased with my efforts, and offered a new one-year contract at the end of this summer, which, despite some reservations about the compensation package, I accepted.

Now, it turns out that the compensation works out fine, even though the contract is a bit complicated.  Some of the management decisions, however, seem a little questionable, although not as bad as the Korean school I was forced to leave.  I still love the kids though, and they (mostly) love me, and, as a bonus, it turns out to be a great working environment for picking up Chinese.  (More on that later.)

Last year, I was seeing Sophie (Pang XinYing) as a steady girlfriend.  I later decided that our relationship was not satisfactory, for multiple reasons.  I decided to break up with her, although actually having the necessary discussion was difficult because she had moved back to her parents' hometown.  So, we've broken up, but she still wants to get back together.  She's working on improving herself, she says.  I'm not so sure about that.

Now, I have found someone who is very nice, and friendly, and doesn't seem to need much in the way of improvement to be a suitable match for me, other than improved language skills.  But that's a job for two, and my language skills are also improving.  Getting her attention, and winning her heart, may prove to be more difficult.  But no good thing comes without some difficulty.

Last year, at about this time, I spoke very little Chinese.  I could use numbers for the purposes of handling money and counting items.  I could use simple greetings and polite phrases.  For anything more complicated, I needed help from a translator or girlfriend.

At this point, I've been teaching English to Chinese kids for over a year.  Of course, they mostly speak to me in Chinese, and very simple Chinese at that.  My colleagues also speak to them in simple Chinese.  I've picked up enough from that, and from my other studies, so that I can have limited conversations in Chinese about family, food, work, clothing, health, and some other topics.  I can use different measure words (a Chinese-language grammar category not present in English) to count items, portions, pairs, items in a pair, handfuls, sheets, stick-like things, half-kilos, etc.  I can handle price negotiations and give driving directions.  I can even use some romantic language, although that has yet to be seriously tested.  :-)

So much for my personal progress.  Now, let's move on to Christmas.  This Christmas was the best Christmas I've celebrated in China, although neither have been bad.  The last two years, I had a nice dinner with my then-current girlfriend at a good western-style restaurant, and went to the Christmas Eve service at the big Chinese church downtown, where I go to church almost every Sunday.  Last year we even had a gift exchange and potluck-party on Christmas Day at the home of some friends, a family from Germany who were the leaders of our international fellowship.

This year, I don't have a girlfriend.  Our former fellowship leaders have moved back to Germany.  I chose not to go to church on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, because the crowds are insane.  (More on that later.)  However, our new leaders, J & M, held a potluck in their homes for fellowship members, colleagues, and friends, on Friday the 20th.  I had managed to get a can of pumpkin and a small jar of pumpkin pie spice from an online market called Tao Bao.  I purchased a small oven and some individual tart-shells from a German supermarket called Metro that has a good selection of imported foods.  I stayed up until midnight on Wednesday baking pumpkin tarts, then took them on Friday and reheated them in my friends' oven.  They were good, and well received, although they had serious competition in the dessert department, especially from the Yule log cake that Judy brought.  I still have four in the fridge.

Then, J and M invited me and some others to a party in their home on the 25th, that would be mostly family.  I had no time to order pumpkin online, and so I decided to do things from scratch.  I found a crust recipe online that uses butter, which is much easier to find here than shortening.  I bought part of a baking pumpkin from the local "wet market", in adequate quantity, on Monday.  Tuesday evening was our big Christmas performance at school, which went reasonably well.  That evening all the foreign teachers were invited (and most went) to the Millennium Hotel for their Christmas Eve buffet, paid for by my boss.  The food was excellent, the wine was a decent South African red, and the entertainment was tolerable.  I left a little early to start preparing my pie.

The crust recipe said to combine the ingredients carefully, and refrigerate up to 4 hours or overnight.  I combined them as directed, but it still seemed too dry.  I decided to see what a night in the fridge would do.

On Christmas morning, I called Mom, and we had a good hour-long talk.  I told her my plans, and she gave me some helpful advice.  After saying goodbye, I went to make the pie.  First, I prepared the pumpkin and put it in the rice-cooker steaming basket.  Then, I had breakfast, and checked the pumpkin.  Per my mother's advice, when the pumpkin seemed ready, I mashed it and put it in a strainer to drain, because I wanted to extract as much water as possible.

Then, I attempted to roll out the crust.  As it would not stay together, I decided to trust my instincts, which felt it needed more water.  Clean water of the correct temperature was duly added in small increments, until the consistency felt right.  I used my stone rolling pin (from IKEA) and my clean countertop (seamless, and, making an excellent rolling surface) to roll out the dough.  Then I remembered to flour the surfaces.  The crust appeared not to suffer from my lapse.  After a few attempts, I got enough surface in a suitable shape to fit into my pie plate, with a few patches added at the edges.  The filling was duly prepared using the proper amount of steamed pumpkin mash.

Baking required two temperature conversions and some guesswork with the imprecise oven controls, but the biggest trouble was the time.  It took longer than expected, probably due to the slightly watery pumpkin mash.  I had to check it every 5 minutes, and follow my instincts, which proved reliable yet again.  The pumpkin pie was a success, although it had competition yet again, this time in the form of cheesecake make from hand-couriered American ingredients, and I had leftovers.  That suited me just fine.

So, that was Christmas morning.  Then, I went to have tea with a girl downtown, and exchange presents.  We had a good talk, and then she took me to her apartment (to get a present for J & M's new baby), to my apartment (by her car, for the pie) and then to J & M's apartment complex.  She chose not to join me at the party, although it would have been fine.  The party was good, although the turkey was a little late.  It was mostly family of J & M, and of Sarah, a mutual friend and colleague of theirs.  A few Chinese friends were also there.  We sang Christmas songs, feasted, talked, and watched "A Christmas Carol" in the background.  It was quite good.

My mother, may God continue to bless her, sent me some great gifts.  First was a nice USB flash drive with a good variety of Christmas songs.  That did, as intended, help put me in a holiday mood.  I also shared it with friends and colleagues.  She also sent a hand-knit scarf, half silk and half wool, in a dark, versatile color, knit with a reversible cable pattern.  That does help me keep warm.  She also sent a new Kindle Paperwhite, to replace the one my sister and BIL, A&A, gave me, which has sadly died.  My father thoughtfully sent a miniature nativity set purchased in Rome, which is very nice, as it is an important part of celebrating Christmas, and I haven't seen them for sale here.

So, that was my Christmas.  Although I had no tree, I still enjoyed that of my friends.  Although I have no steady girlfriend, I still enjoyed the company of a nice and respectable girl.  Although my family is not here, I still felt their love.

Now, I'd like to talk a bit about the church here in China.  Almost everyone in America has heard that the legal church here in China is state-controlled, and true religious freedom is only to be found in the underground church.  I would like to correct some misconceptions on that score.

It is true that religion in China is officially regulated.  There are five legally recognized religions:  Protestant Christianity, Roman Catholic Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, and one more that I'm not sure of.  (It could be Taoism, Confucianism, or Hinduism, perhaps.  Judaism is not recognized.)  The church property is owned by the government, the pastors are educated at government-licensed seminaries, their salaries are paid by the government, and Bible-printing is a government monopoly.  Only the approved translation may be printed.

Other restrictions include a prohibition on foreign evangelism.  Foreigners cannot preach, nor may foreign funds be donated to the church or used for religious purposes.

However, within that framework, in my observation, the church still thrives.  The Gospel is preached, there seems no restriction on sermon content, except they don't talk about government policies.  My Chinese friends do actively evangelize and share the Gospel with their friends.  (It seems, for some reason, that Chinese women more readily respond than men, which is unfortunate.)  Our international fellowship has a very unique privilege of letting an international team lead worship in English and Chinese for one service (out of  four) on Sundays, and allowing a foreigner to give an altar call (translated).  This is unusual in China, but it is fully authorized and approved, even commended, by the authorities.

On Christmas, the church puts on a major show.  The various service and study groups are invited to produce an item for the show, which could be singing, dancing, drama, or some combination thereof.  I have seen one of these shows in its entirety, and the quality is quite good.  It is in such high demand that free tickets must be issued for each show, and the police are required for crowd control on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

I don't know how many of those coming are Christians, but still, the church is packed on Christmas Eve.  On a regular Sunday, in my experience, the large church is also quite full.  There is also a church construction project underway in another part of the city.

So, the rumors of the spiritual death of the legal Chinese Christian Church have been greatly exaggerated.  It's true there are some restrictions, but the only time those really affect me is when a foreigner-run church is involved.  There are international churches in the New District run by Koreans, or Americans, to which some of my friends go.  I have been to the American-run church (there is also a Filipino pastor), and I might like to take some Chinese friends, but it's not allowed because it's not part of the Three-Self Patriotic Movement.  Only foreigners are allowed to attend such churches.

Then, there are the "house churches".  I know very little about these.  I once visited a friend's apartment, and it turned out his parents hosted a house church.  They seemed a little cautious, but not unduly worried about discovery.  It was good, but I didn't go back.

Now, my experience is not typical.  Elsewhere in China, most of the legal Chinese churches do not allow foreigners to participate, or have a translation of their sermon.  Most Christian expats living in China must attend an international church, for foreigners only, if they want to understand the sermon and singing.  Although my language skills are improving, I still have a long way to go before I can understand a sermon given in Chinese.

However, the Chinese brothers and sisters who attend the registered churches seem to have no problems with restrictions on religious activity, as long as it is domestic in nature.  They can even buy Bibles with English and Chinese side by side.  (NIV and ESV are both available.)  Many works of Christian literature are available in Chinese, such as Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, and Pilgrims's Progress by John Bunyan.

Now, Americans who want to support the growth of the church in China face serious difficulties.  The religious laws in China specify that religious activity must be domestic in nature.  No foreign evangelists nor foreign missions donations are allowed in the Chinese church.  I know one person who gets around the financial restrictions by owning and operating factories in China, and donating the profits from those factories directly to orphanages here.  But that sort of business is not possible for most Americans.

I won't say that the Church in China doesn't need help, because they still face serious challenges.  I would say that what they need most of all is not your money, but your prayers.  Please pray for a revival in China.  That is what they need most of all.  My post is already too long, or I would elaborate, but prayer is truly the most important thing you can do for the Church in China.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for praying.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Gift Idea #3

It's time for a quick update.  School is still going fairly well, we're preparing for the Christmas show.  My kids are pretty good, but of course, I've got to keep it accessible and keep them interested.  The school needs to renew my visa for the next year.  I've never had any problems with that, but there's always a first time, so I would appreciate prayer for this process.  And now, it's time for the next installment of gift ideas.

Idea #3: A Favorite Health/Beauty/Cosmetic Item (Solids Only)

While good travelers learn to be flexible about most things, many have a special personal product that cannot be dispensed with. Some may use a special razor blade; fortunately, I have a good supply of Mach3 blades, and mine dull slowly because I care for them well. Others may have a special skin care product that they feel is best for their needs.

While Chinese consumers also buy these products, there is a reputation of inferior quality in goods made for the Chinese market. This is definitely true of cars, simply because the fuel quality here is inferior. Android-type smart phones sold here are unable to use the Google Play Store due to legal restrictions, but the Taiwan models are so enabled. I have heard that a certain brand of razor blade, purchased in China, may be inferior to blades of the same brand purchased in Germany. (I have not tested this personally.) Authenticity can also be questionable. I have been using Crest oral care products here, purchased at reputable stores, and found no problems so far. Other people's mileage may vary.

Also, generally only the biggest international brands are available in China at regular stores (along with the Chinese brands). If there is a very special product that someone uses, which must be genuine, and can legally be mailed, your favorite expat teacher would probably appreciate a resupply. Close family members will probably know what that product would be.

Prayer Requests

First of all, praise God for a positive experience leading worship on Sunday.  Myself and two Chinese women singing, another Chinese woman playing piano, leading a mostly Chinese congregation of about 200 people in worship songs in English and Chinese.  The musician was a visiting daughter of one of our translators, skilled but short of practice time.  God blessed our voices and hands, and worship was good.

Next, please pray for our worship team, that we would have people with the necessary desire and talents available for practice and worship each week.  Musicians are particularly in short supply.  Our best musician is recovering from a C-section, expected to be out for a few more weeks.

Also, please pray for my visa renewal process.  I have no reason to be anxious, I have had no trouble before, and this should be a quite straightforward renewal with the same employer.  However, one never knows, and visa problems can be intractable.  Prayer is never out of order.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for praying!

Gift Idea #2

It's still that time of year.  No major updates from this side of the Pacific Ocean, so I'm continuing the gift ideas for expat teachers in China:

Idea #2: Thorlos or Other Warm Socks

Unless your favorite expat teacher is working in a tropical area like Hong Kong or Hainan, he or she will have to deal with winter weather. Warm clothing is essential. It should either be brought in luggage, or purchased after arrival. The latter option is recommended by experienced travelers, and can make the packing process much simpler. Replacements for wear and tear should also be considered. Most of the clothing that an expat needs in China can be purchased here, either off the rack or made to order, at very reasonable prices. Even good quality is available if the consumer is savvy.

However, some expats have problems finding suitable footwear. I've met guys who simply had to purchase shoes in their home country because they could not find a large enough size in China, and the cobblers work with a limited range of pre-made soles. As I have narrow feet (by Western standards), that's not a problem for me. However, the socks are another question. Most of the socks available here seem to be too thin for winter, or too short, or both. Even at the supposedly Western footwear stores, availability is limited. This is something that is light to ship, but very welcome in winter weather.

Gift Idea #1

Some of my readers seem to be wondering, "If I know someone who is a teacher in China, and I want to send a present, what should I send?" With the semi-official start of the (American) Christmas shopping season, that seems to be an appropriate topic. As an American teacher in China, I can offer my personal perspective.

Idea #1: Kindle or Other E-Reader

If your favorite expat teacher likes reading books, this is a must. My sister Autumn and brother-in-law Andrew very thoughtfully sent me a Kindle (b/w, with keyboard and WiFi) shortly before my trip, and it's been great. You can read books on an iPad or other tablet computer, or even on a smart phone (which I have), but the battery life is limited and the LCD screen is not great on the eyes for long reading spells. The e-ink screen technology that Amazon developed for the Kindle is low-power and easy on the eyes. I loved it and used it a lot. Unfortunately, mine has died after about 2 years of use, and I really miss it. Reading books on my phone is not nearly as good.

(Note: Due to shipper restrictions, this is something that is more easily purchased in the U.S. and then mailed to a Chinese address personally.)

Please watch this space for future ideas!

Prayer Requests

First, praise God for restoring my health after some minor but uncomfortable problems. I suspect that He has been trying to teach me something, and if I attend properly to His lessons, things may work better for me.

Second, please pray for the worship service this Sunday. I've committed to leading the bilingual worship, which I can do, but I currently have no musician except for my own self beating time with my hand on my thigh. There are other possibilities, but so far that's all they are, so I could really use some prayer that God would bless our voices.

Finally, please pray for my personal life. It may be easy to find a girlfriend here if you're not choosy, but I've learned that it pays to be selective in the right way. That said, there are still a few excellent young women in my circle of friends, any of whom would probably make a very good helpmate. I feel that I need God's wisdom in this area.

That's all for now. Thanks for reading, and thanks for praying!

Happy Birthday, Autumn!

This blog entry has two purposes. First, to assure my readers that, despite my long absence from this space, I am alive and well and living in China. Second, to honor my sister, Autumn, who turns an unspecified number of years old today, November 26.

First, a quick update:

Employment
I am currently working at a preschool called "Wuxi International Child Care", or WICC for short. The Chinese name translates as "Love Child Star Kindergarten" or "Love Child Star Early Teaching Center". The ownership is Australian. The kids are mostly Chinese, with a leavening of other Asian nationalities and a few from other places. It's hard, but I've learned how to teach English to pre-rational ESL kids, and I actually enjoy it immensely despite the challenges. Sometimes the management does some strange things, but, so far, no problems I can't handle there.

Love Life
I broke up with Sophie some months ago. There were several reasons, including communication problems and a basic lack of maturity on her part. She's working as a translator at an airport in Xuzhou, last I heard, and both her job and faith seem to be going well. I currently have no new girlfriend, but I have one or two girls that I'm interested in. Matching schedules is a bit difficult. Pray for God's wisdom in this matter.

Church Activities
The previous leaders of our small international fellowship, Annette and Stefan, moved to Germany after a long time out of the country, in the interests of their family. God has provided a new couple, Jean and Martin, to assume the leadership. They are a young couple, but quite well qualified to provide both spiritual and musical leadership. Unfortunately, Jean is currently recovering from a C-section, which means I have to step up. I have been acting as treasurer for the fellowship funds. And now, for the main content of this entry:

Lessons I Learned From My Sister

1. How to share space in close quarters.
   When my sister and I were growing up, we shared one bathroom. This helped us learn how to arrange our morning schedules efficiently, and also how to comfortably move around one another in a small space. In China, where space is often at a premium, these skills have come in very handy.

2. How much work it takes to become truly proficient at a musical instrument.
   When we were growing up, my sister studied piano, and I studied trumpet. Well, I pretended to study trumpet. Really, I usually put in the minimum time and effort required to keep my mom from withholding food and other privileges, and sometimes not even that. As soon as the requirement was lifted, I quit. My sister, however, studied diligently for six years, and still continued to play from time to time. I don't think she still plays much, being busy with two small children, but I can tell you that I wish I had put in similar practice, and kept it up, at either piano or guitar. Our fellowship is in need of musicians to help lead worship in the Chinese church on Sunday mornings. I can sing, in multiple languages now, but I can't play an instrument with any skill. I have great respect for those who have put in the required time and effort. Autumn, I wish I'd followed your example.

3. Girls aren't impressed by looks or strength, they're impressed by courtesy.
   This lesson I owe to my mother as well as my sister. While a lack of funds discouraged me from seriously pursuing any girls in the U.S., my mother and sister impressed on me what girls pay attention to. It's not bulging muscles or macho talk, it's common courtesy and respect. It's deferential treatment, listening, and holding the door open for her. In short, it's "acting like a gentleman". This has done a good deal for me in my interactions with women here.

4. Keep it clean.
   While girls aren't impressed so much by physical appearance, I did learn from the women in my early life (my sister not the least) that they do pay attention to hygeine, both personal and environmental. My sister usually kept her room pretty clean, while I had to be nagged by our mom to pick up books, etc. Of course, I make a diligent effort to keep my own person neat and clean, for multiple reasons. However, I found that I was getting lazy about keeping my apartment clean. I've been really busy, and I found, "It can always wait another day." So, I hired a cleaning woman to help with cleaning my apartment, keeping the floors, kitchen, and bathroom clean. Such work is very cheap here, especially for a small place. My language skills are now adequate to handle whatever communication is necessary for this.

5. Some people are more sensitive than others to environmental irritants.
   Of course, almost every American knows that exposure to secondhand smoke can significantly increase the risk of respiratory disease. My sister's airway was particularly sensitive to this on a short-term basis. Not just smelling cigarette smoke and worrying about cancer or emphesyma, but almost immediate wheezing to even a slight exposure. I know she's not the only American person with similar sensitivities. Her trouble made me more sensitive to this issue.
   So, I will not invite or encourage my sister to visit China. I'm very sorry, and I'd love to see Autumn and the whole Boyer family. However, most of the men here seem to have a very primitive attitude about smoking. I've often had to ask people (in Chinese) to stop smoking, in clear view of a no-smoking sign, and even gotten in fights with particularly intransigent individuals. There seems to be, for the most part, a callous indifference to the effects of environmental irritants on other people. In many places, the no-smoking regulations are barely pro forma. They are observed in public buses, hospitals, and childcare centers, but there's always supposed exceptions like men's restrooms and fire stairways.
   Also, tobacco smoke is far from the only environmental irritant here. Pollution from cars with lower emission controls, smoke from fireworks that seem to be set off every day for some reason, and other things less easy to name. It seems China still has a long way to go in this area.

Finally, I want all my readers to know that, despite the many challenges, difficulties, and things that are other than I would wish them, it seems clear that God has put me here for a reason. My teaching ability that blossomed in a preschool setting without formal training, my language ability that compares very favorably, and my continued overall health despite the pollutants and poor sanitation here. Other people could be better prepared and do much worse on arrival here; in fact, I've met some who have. There are opportunities for my gifts to be used here, and there are things for me to learn, and and incentives to grow.

Prayer Requests

Please pray for the international fellowship, and its continued ability to serve the people of Wuxi Christian Church. Our main problem is a shortage of qualified musicians, especially with Jean recovering from surgery. Only God can supply the need in this area, I cannot do it.

Also, please pray for my continued health. So far, I have had only minor problems, and been able to deal with them successfully at the Chinese hospitals, with God's help, and my improving language skills. However, sometimes people get hit with something major for no apparent reason, and that could make things very difficult.

I will try to be more active in this space, but I can't make any promises. Hope you enjoyed the entry. Happy Birthday, Autumn! Thanks everyone for reading, and thanks for praying.

Tomb-Sweeping Festival

Ticket from Wuxi to Xuzhou.  Note the station names.  There are multiple stations in both cities, the East Station ("Dong" in Chinese) in each city is the only one to use for high-speed train travel on this route.

Picture of my gate, with the train number and time

Inactive gate at Wuxi East Train Station

"King-Size" bed in my hotel toom, made by combining two twin beds

"No Smoking" sign in my room, despite the blurry shot.  Good sign, right?

Not so much.  An ashtray with matches, along with the fruit platter.  Perhaps an ashtray alone could merely be provided for convenient extinguishing, but matches?  Clearly the non-smoking sign is not intended to be taken seriously.  This is China, after all.

The shower has a crackle-glass window to the bedroom, with a blind.  But really, why would you ever want to pull the bind up?  (Unless you're a blogger like me.)

Replica of traditional cart in the lobby.

Small statue of a famous general from Xuzhou history

My return ticket.  It was surprisingly easy to get.  Again, note the station names.

On the way home, I saw a drum performance in front of the community center.

Close-up of drum performance.

Not everyone has the holiday off.  At my school, workers wer busy converting some of the grassy area to parking spaces.

April 4 is Tomb-Sweeping Festival in China.  This is a day set aside for Chinese people to honor their ancestors by tending to their graves, and performing pagan rituals such as burning ghost money and setting off fireworks to scare away evil spirits.  Others will simply use the time off work to gather with family.

This festival is always celebrated on the fourth day of the fourth month.  (Not lunar calendar, though most traditional festival dates are set by the lunar calendar.)  In order to give us three days off together, the Government recommends (or requires) employers to move the work days following to the nearest weekend; or, to put it the other way around, steal days off from the weekend to append to the festival, at the cost of working on the weekend and working more days straight.

So, I have the 4th, 5th, and 6th, off (Thursday-Friday-Saturday), but I have to work Sunday through Friday following.  After Sophie had seemingly cancelled our meeting in Xuzhou, I went to the east train station to get a refund on my train ticket, and thought I'd relax by getting a massage.

Just before the massage, I got a phone call from her.  It seems her text message had referred to something else, and she was still prepared to meet.  Well, I agreed to try.  After the massage (nice, but I may try another place in the future), I went home, packed quickly, and set my alarm early.

After an early breakfast and a private car trip to the central station, I found that tickets for Xuzhou could only be had at the east train station.  (This, I'm sure, is due to the way the tracks are laid out.  My prevous ticket had been purchased some days before, through an agent's office nearby, which could not provide refunds.)  At any rate, I had to take a long taxi ride to the east station, and there purchase another ticket.  Fortunately, it was for the same train, so I would arrive in Xuzhou with no wasted time.  Unfortunately, I had already wasted over 100 RMB in car fares and return fees.

After getting to Xuzhou East Station (where all the north-south high-speed trains pass through), I took a taxi to the central train station, near the long-distance bus station where Sophie would arrive.  (Her actual hometown is outside of Xuzhou, about an hour by bus.)  I waited for her in KFC.

After she arrived, she helped me check in to a hotel.  (The first one we went to couldn't help me.  It seemed good enough, but they were not licensed to take foreigners.)  The room had a "King-size" bed (actually two doubles put together with large sheets), a no-smoking sign, and a fruit platter.  It also had an ashtray, with matches.  (Think they're serious about the no-smoking sign?)

However, the strangest feature was a window between the bedroom and the shower.  It had a blind which could be lowered and raised from the bedroom.  I had no idea why anyone would want to raise it except to take a picture, but it was there.

After depositing my luggage, Sophie insisted that we must meet her brother and sister-in-law, and eat together with them.  So, we took a taxi to the brother's university, they picked us up, and took us on a car ride (made quite long by the holiday traffic) to Pizza Hut.  Her brother could not find a permanent parking spot, so he let his wife take us to Pizza Hut.  The pizza was tasty, but too cheesy.  (Two fatty meals in a row.  I paid for it later.)

At the meal, we were talking somewhat at cross-purposes.  Sophie wanted me to do what I had to do to make her mother happy.  (This would involve figuring out how to buy an apartment, and promising to stay in China.)  I tried to explain that her mother had threatened me in an attempt to control me, and that such threats come from unsafe people, and an unsafe person like Sophie's mother was not someone I wanted to maintain a relationship with.  It was really hard to explain.

Finally, they took us back to my hotel, where I had some things of Sophie's that I wanted to give her.  They let me take her to my room so we could have some privacy.  There, I had to explain very firmly, that this relationship would not work, and I had to say goodbye.  She did not take it very well, but, in the end, she had to accept it.  I took her back to her brother's car, and said goodbye.

After that, I didn't feel like going anywhere, so I stayed in the room until it was time for shower and bed.  (I did find the CCTV English News channel on TV.)  In the morning, I ate the fruit provided as a first breakfast, then finished dressing and went downstairs for second breakfast.  (It was mostly Chinese breakfast food, but I did find enough healthy food to make a decent meal.)  After checking out, I took a few pictures of the lobby and left.

A taxi ride to Xuzhou East Station, a wait in line at the ticket counter, a train ticket to Wuxi, another taxi ride to Shin City Plaza, lunch, some food shopping, and I was on my way home.  On the way, I saw a drum performance/practice/ritual outside the nearby community center, across from the high school, so I took a few pictures.

As I passed by my school, I found that not everyone was relaxing during the holiday.  The school was using the time to have additional parking spaces installed.  This was probably wise, as car use has greatly increased in Wuxi since the school was built.  But it may have been a bummer for the workers who had to work over the holiday.  But, they may be paid double or even triple for such work, and I'm sure they need the money.

At any rate, that was my short trip to Xuzhou.  Total of about six hours round trip, less than 24 hours in Xuzhou.  But, it was not a pleasure trip.  It was an important (and in my view, necessary) closure to a serious relationship.  I'm afraid Sophie is still holding out hope for us, but as far as I'm concerned, I've said goodbye.  I hope that, in time, she can learn to accept that.

Prayer Requests

Firstly, praise God  for allowing me to meet with Sophie, and protecting me on the way.  My limited language skills were adequate to the task of getting where I had to go.  Everyone stayed safe, my biggest problem was a minor issue related poor dietary choices, two meals in a row.  But that only caused me minor discomfort and inconvenience.

Next, please pray for Sophie, that she would accept this decision, and, in time, come to understand it, and forgive me for any hurt I may have caused her.  If you feel led, please pray for Sophie's mother, that she would learn to love her daughter more, and help her find a suitable mate according to Chinese custom.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for praying.

"are you Pang xinying's bf?"

That was the content of the text message that I received at 14:57 local time, from an unknown sender that my phone identified as a Xuzhou number.  A voice call followed three minutes later.

Since my toddlers were eating their afternoon snack, and I would be teaching my lesson soon (and we're not supposed to call or text during class time anyway), I rejected the call and texted back "Yes, but I'm busy now." when I could find a spare moment between helping kids.  Another text followed at 15:12, which I ignored until after school.  After all the kids had been picked up, and I was finished for the day, I checked my messages, and read this:

"I'm her mother. please don 't connect her any more. our family don't want you to be her bf. her father has been in hispital because of you. You can't give her comfortable life. what

I said to you, please don't tell her. please leave her now, send her things back home. No 8 middle school, XinYi, JiangSu." 
(All spelling and punctuation errors have been reproduced verbatim.)

Now, I've met her mother, I was very polite, I even brought a gift according to Chinese culture.  At that time, her mother wasn't very gracious, basically ignoring me and letting her other daughter's boyfriend do the talking.  Of course, her mother's English skills are not adequate to conversing with a foreigner like me, or even composing this SMS, so she had to have help.

Personally, I feel that I have no obligation to honor this woman's request.  I have, however, been experiencing some serious problems with this relationship, and this text message confirms to me that we will probably not be able to work things out. At the same time, I don't like the way she asked.  I don't like being blamed for the father's health problems, which are probably due to his former smoking habit and his current sweet tooth developed as an alternative.  I don't like being asked to cut off contact without a proper goodbye, and I especially don't like being asked to keep something like this from Sophie.

But I've learned, through my own experience and that of others, that a foreign man who tries to maintain a romantic relationship with a Chinese girl against her parents' wishes is asking for trouble, disappointment, and heartache.  A former colleague, in a 5-year-long relationship with a Chinese girl, was rumored to have received a text message from his girlfriend while she was visiting her family:  "I can't see you anymore."  That was it.

So, I think it would be unwise to try to continue the relationship, for that and other reasons.  However, I am going to be honest with her, and even offer her a personal goodbye if that's what she wants.  I think it's the only honorable thing to do.

Prayer Requests

First, praise God for giving me clarity about this issue.  I was feeling like it was time to let Sophie go, that it would probably be best for both of us, but I wasn't sure how to do so without causing undue pain.  But I can't keep seeing her if her mother doesn't want me to.  Sophie will understand that, and any other issues will be between her and her mother.

Of course, please pray for Sophie and I as I break the news to her.  She won't be happy about this, and it won't be easy for her, either.  (She won't be able to read this blog, so she won't learn about it here.)  I hope she can understand, and decide how best to deal with her mother's decision.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for praying.

Easter Open Day

As you can see, I've been very busy this past week.  Being an international preschool/kindergarten, our school celebrates both western and Chinese holidays both traditional and modern.  (Although, being in China, our actual days off are set by the Chinese government.)  We also usually have one open day each month, where parents or grandparents (usually only one per child) can join their children for a half-day of activities.  (Different classes will have their open day on different days during a single week, so the school isn't overwhelmed with parents.)

My toddlers and their parents had their open day on Tuesday the 19th.  After the kids' "morning tea" (a light, nutritious meal, usually with soy milk), I took them out for their structured outdoor exercise.  There are different sets of equipment for us to use, assigned in a weekly schedule.  It was my job to take the assigned equipment (shown above) and help the kids use it in a fun and active way.  With parents' help, I could let the kids try more challenging tasks.

After the outdoor play, we have our musical exercise (not shown), where we lead the kids in a few different dances, using music with lyrics in English, Chinese, and sometimes other languages (like Korean or Japanese).  Songs change every semester, and we just changed to the new songs (after teaching the dances to the kids).

After outdoor exercise time, it was back to the classroom for a required potty break.  (We do have toilet reminders at frequent intervals in my class.)  After toileting, washing hands, and drinking water, it's lesson time, about 10:00.  This class we had an Easter-themed craft where the parents could help.  (This made it more fun for the parents, allowed them to interact with their children, and allowed me to use more challenging techniques, like cutting with scissors, because I had a helper for almost every child.)

The lesson normally ends around 10:20 to 10:30, followed by outdoor free play in the toddler playground (or indoor free play if the weather is foul). (Again, I have them use the toilet, wash hands, and drink water before this free play.)  This day, however, we had an Easter-egg hunt on the school grounds.  The eggs used were small chocolate eggs, foil-covered, one egg per child.  (This was partly due to budgetary constraints.)  Some kids were quite good at finding eggs, and the one-per-child rule had to be enforced.  Others, especially the younger ones, needed help.  The chocolate did make a bit of a mess, whether the kids ate them immediately or were constrained to save them until after lunch.

Lunch was at 11:00.  My kids can pretty much feed themselves, but they're not all proficient or tidy.  Most of them (it should be all) wear bibs provided by the parents, and most of them are quite pokey eaters, many still learning to use spoons to eat the food that they are served.  When they don't like what the kitchen serves, some of them really have to be chided into eating.  Fortunately, I'm not primarily responsible for that.  I have an assistant (Penny, who took these pictures) and a nanny (called "A-yi" in Chinese) to help.  My assistant speaks some English, my A-yi speaks only Standard Chinese and the local Wuxi dialect, but we communicate well enough.  (My spoken Chinese is improving.)  My ayi takes the lead in getting the kids to eat, and spoon-feeding those who really lag behind.  (I'm not sure this is best for the kids, but it's part of the service that the school is paid to provide.)  Of course, with parents mostly helping their kids, I only had to pay attention to the one or two kids whose parents were too busy to attend.

After lunch, some parents took their kids home, but others left them, which provoked some tears from the more sensitive kids.  This was par for the course, and we took it in stride.  Taking them outside and letting them play after lunch (before their regular noon--2:30 nap) helped deal with the normal separation anxiety.  I also gave some extra attention where it was most needed.

So, that was Easter Open Day.  Photo credits to Penny, my Chinese teaching assistant this semester.  This also gives you an idea of what my normal morning is like, minus the parents, of course.  Next week I'll be with the older kids (about 6 y.o.) in the morning, assisting only, and teaching the toddlers in the afternoon.  It alternates on a weekly basis.  Mornings are better for lessons, so we try to make sure that each class gets an equal share of English lessons in mornings vs. afternoons.

Prayer Requests

First, praise God for a successful Open Day!  I haven't gotten all the feedback yet, but the one I did happen to see in English was quite positive, and overall the parents seemed pleased.  The kids had fun, too, as you can see.

Next, please pray for Sophie and my relationship with her.  She's spending most of her time in Xuzhou now, which is about 3 hours north by high-speed train.  She has some health issues, and her family thought it would be best if she quit her job in Wuxi, stayed with her parents in Xuzhou, and visited the hospital in Nanjing with her mother and sister.  It seems to be working out well for her, but it makes it hard to work on our relationship.  It seems that, when Sophie's health situation is under control, her parents want to get her a job in Xuzhou.  I, however, like my job here in Wuxi (as you can see), and I want to stay here.  I don't like the prospect of a long-distance relationship under these conditions.

In addition, the prospect of marriage with Sophie seems difficult for other reasons as well; financial, cultural, and geographic.  But she seems to still be set on continuing our relationship and working toward marriage.  I'm not sure what to do.  Please pray for wisdom for me as I seek God's will.

I hope everyone enjoyed the pictures.  Thanks for reading, and thanks for praying!